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Oysters?
By Keith Wawman

After the racing season of 1935 the Bath Road Club held their Annual Dinner in the winter of that year.  It was held at a posh venue in London, I forget where, but with flunkies in tails and lots of soup and fish among members and guests.  

The prize-winners were sat at a separate table, and I happened to be sitting next to Ernie Mills, who if memory serves me correctly won their fifty.  Confronted by a large selection of cutlery, the use of which was a mystery to most of us, the first course served was oysters. 

We gazed at these with some embarrassment, since most of us had never before seen such things.  There was a silence whilst we wondered what to do, when Ernie, always a bright lad, beckoned to a waiter.  "Oy mate," he said, "Where's the F*@#ing nutcrackers?".  

The waiter, unconcerned, selected the oyster fork, lifted the shell, and with a "there you are sir” departed.