Physical Damage:
Surprisingly little. Coil security lock departed
from bracket on stem, canvas tool bags required straightening and frame mounted
pump holder snapped off. Rear suspension developed 3 cms of lateral movement
which was corrected by tightening suspension pivot allen bolt.
Experiment 4
Test Subject's Name:
Joe P (again).
Subject Category:
Juvenile XC racer.
Experiment Undertaken:
Drop off onto downhill run leading to possible
later jump.
Expected Outcome:
Similar to Experiment 1 above. Subject should
take 10 metre run up on grass and pebble surface to approach 2 metre gap in
foliage at approximately 15kph where drop off onto pebble downhill surface
provides 1 metre vertical air with 1 metre horizontal freefall air before
presenting later jumping possibilities.
T minus 6 minutes. Control Subject Marco performs
experiment carefully.
T minus 4 minutes. Control subject Simon performs experiment carefully.
Actual Outcome:
Subject took approach at least 5 kph faster than
recommended 15 kph and
surged forward strongly on takeoff. Subject traveled at least 3 metres forward
giving at least 2.5 metres of horizontal freefall ensuring that subject overshot
safe downhill landing area and impacted on flat ground. Because subject only had
one working cleat engaged in left pedal (see experiment 1 above) the subject's
unsecured foot slipped from the right pedal with the heavy impact of the landing
leading to the subject hanging from the bike on the right hand side trying to
restore control. Bike veered in uncontrollable anticlockwise circle with
saddle nose poking uncomfortably into subject's gluteous maximus. Bike came to
halt as it threw subject to the ground as subject's face contorted with
associated pain. Subject never made it to possible later jump.
T minus 0.5 Seconds. Subject approaches take off at dangerously high speed.
T plus 40 seconds. Subject still unable to stand.
|
Biological damage sustained :
Damaged chin. Will probably show signs of
bruising within 24 hours.
Bloody left kneecap.
Inability to stand for approximately 45 seconds
Subject will keep participation in experiments secret and advise concerned
parent that all damage occurred 'whilst on a road ride'.
|
T plus 2 minutes. Biological damage originally
sustained in experiment 1 is now much worse.
|
Physical damage sustained:
Broken sunglasses.
Bent seat post.
Rear LED light bent and subsequently pointing perpendicularly to traffic
approaching from right of subject. Light now useful for busy junctions only.
Front LED light no longer functioning. Damage could possibly have been sustained
in experiment 1.
Strangely deformed front brake configuration
Experiment 5
Test Subject's Name:
Jason T.
Subject Category:
Senior DH racer.
Experiment Undertaken:
Nail a gnarly descent littered with drop-offs,
jumps and roots.
Expected Outcome:
Smoothly take all drops and jumps, negotiate
roots and rail round corner at bottom of slope at a speed of 23 kph.
Actual Outcome:
Subject attempted to ride said slope at 40 kph
and managed to ride first two drops before sliding uncontrollably towards
nearby fully matured tree. Missed nearby fully matured tree only to be on
collision course for a second, larger tree. Subject abandoned bike at high speed
just before impact and avoided second larger tree. Bike was not so fortunate and
collided with second larger tree.
Biological damage sustained :
Inability to stand for approximately 60
seconds.
Suspected broken big toe on left foot.
Damage to right elbow.
Physical damage sustained:
Surprisingly little. Front MX style mudguard bent
backwards with nose of said equipment bent behind the fork bridge. No other
damage.
T plus 90 seconds. Front mudguard still mangled by
second larger tree.
Experiment follow up notes:
Email received from Joe P (Subject in
experiment 1 & 4)
Cool ride today. Never knew about half that
stuff.
Really good fun, nice to do somthing different.
OK, the injury list:
See picture, but just incase there is too much blood
in the way:
Long gash down thigh;
Two shorter but very deep laserations above knee;
V. painfull/swollen kneecap;
Tempararily paralised thumb;
Severe headache!
The bike/other stuff:
Bent seat post;
Broken front LED;
Broken sun glasses;
Sheered cleat bolt threads in right hand SPD shoe
(where the cleat was ripped from the shoe);
Straingly deformed front brake.
The pain didn't spoil the ride, (didn't really
kick in
until I got home) but its a bitch trying to ride with
only one foot clipped in!
Will see you all on Saturday, provided I can get my
SPuD
sorted out. If not I will be out Sunday with my flats.
Joe.
As you can see subject was well enough to compose
email within 8 hours of experiment. Suspect 'severe headache' affected subject's
spelling.
Email received from Brian E. (Subject in
experiment 3)
i am typing this email one handed as my left
thumg and index finger appear to have stiffenend alot pity then that i didnt
land on me old chap it would have cheered up the wife who is downstairs probably
threatening allsorts of bad things if i do it again!!!!!.I also forgot to add to
the list a small 1/2th inch cut to chin abrasins to inside of left leg an ache
in my ribs,anyway apart from that i'm ok dont know about next week i will have
to see if the rabbits need cleaning out or my thumb joint unseizes.All the best
to you lot see you when im repaired Brian
We were very pleased to receive this email within
24 hours of the experiment as we were all very concerned for the well being of
the test subject. As you can see from the email the subject now has use of only
one hand and could not access the shift key on his keyboard to punctuate this
message due to the pain
involved . We look forward to the subject's return to
the lab and will be advising him not to take part in further dangerous
experiments.
Email received from Jason T.. (Subject in
experiment 5)
I thought I'd let you know how I am now. It took
me 5 minutes to get my left shoe on this morning and I am limping like a pervert
at the school gates! My toe has since swollen to the point where it is now
filling my shoe, and I am dreading having to take it off when I get home. In
addition, whenever my elbow brushes against anything, a sharp, searing pain is
sent jolting through my body. Still, it was worth it for the best day's biking
I've spent in many a month!
Jason
Addiscombe Disclaimer
All experiments were carried out by voluntary
subjects who knew the risks involved. Addiscombe do not condone this type of
science but feel it would be morally unethical to stop the study of gravity in
the countryside and its effects on the human body and pain response systems. All
mountain biking is dangerous. Always ensure you have the appropriate safety
equipment and responsible helpers when conducting similar experiments.
Martin discovering alternative safer route for
experiment 4.
Marco investigating possible future experiments.
All pictures Copyright Addiscombe CC / Jason T.
