Here you are. The Official Royal Wedding Avoidance - Road Version Souvenir Report!

Something to put aside for your grandchildren and tell them that you were there (whether you were or not!).
I think I speak for us all when I say that the crowds at CSS were truly amazing. Some people had been camping out since 9:20 to see us set off, people had travelled from as far and wide as Purley. Merstham and Chipstead to see our procession and in places the crowd was at least 1 deep.
11 noble riders and 1 commoner (soon to be ennobled) set out on this fairytale ride through Surrey, Sussex and Kent. They were:
The Baron Ant Redchain
Prince Ben von Filthybike
The Lord Jon Avery of the New Den
Princess Amy Caketin
Count Ron (wearing his Kate and Wills badge all the way round the ride)
The Earl Phil Hawkes of the Pie Factory
Lady Lucyap of Kidds Hill
His Royal Highness Mike Ingram
Duke Simon Goldchain and Cassette (hewn from Welsh Gold, as is customary on these occasions)
The Marquis Rob of slightly un-coordinated cycling kit
Sir John white Giant bike
and the commoner Del!
We pulled out of CSS to a sea of yellow and black flags and hundreds of journalists and reporters relaying the details of our clothing, energy drinks and power bars to a nationwide audience glued to their TVs.
Soon, we were crossing Farthing Downs. Rob still had his front light on! He was prepared for a long day. Through Chaldon, a fast descent to Warwick Wold was followed by the short climb to Bletchingley and then we turned along the A25 to Rabies Heath Road, Tilburstow Hill and a left turn that brought us to the A22.
Across the A22 and the early chill was easing as the sun broke through and the rays glinted gently off Simon's cassette and chain as we carried on through Crowhurst and Lingfield before climbing up through Dormansland and up Old Hollow. At the top, the sheer excitement had become too much for some of the riders, as Ant, Ron and Mike dived into the hedges to bless the ground with spent (and processed) energy drink.
We joined the A264 for a while before turing off for Hartfield and carrying on to Coleman's Hatch where we were greeted by loudly tolling church bells, celebrating our visit. We re-grouped at the foot of Kidds Hill to much grumbling about what lay ahead, before Lucy accused us all of being a bunch of girls. This caused no offence to Amy, but the rest of us sped off to show just what raw testosterone can do when confronted by a large hill...... basically sweat and swear a lot!
We regrouped at the top and Jon removed his arm warmers to impress me (a Palace fan) with his Millwall tattoo. He failed!

Still, we had a nice chat about how run down Selhurst Park is, which it felt hard to argue with really. Still, at least we had one rider from the Palace on this great day.
We descended from Ashdown to Groombridge, up the "Col de Groombridge" and then on through Fordcombe before arriving at our planned stop, the tea shop in Penshurst......... which was closed!!

Still, no problem. Into the pub next door instead. Ant, Mike and Jon, the hard men of the ride got by with just a packet of crisps. Lucy had "Today's Quiche" and wondered why she couldn't have yesterday's. Simon and John had giant bowls of chips. I had a Croque Monsieur (that well known hi-carb food) as did Amy, Ben and Rob. And surprisingly, Phil had a huge pie!
At this stage news came through of my elevation from commoner. Word came through that club captain Jon had recognised my efforts on this day, and decreed that henceforth I would be known as Baron Sore Arse. Following this brief act of ennoblement, we headed home via Mark Beech, Edenbridge and Lingfield to Blindley Heath. Lucy was tired and waited at Edenbridge for Jamie to pick her up. The rest of us continued with Ant powering along at the front.
There was a further fracturing as we climbed out of Blindley Heath as Rob and I both fell back and headed for our homes. The rest of our regal procession disappeared over the horizon as they made their way up Tilburstow Hill.
Great ride today, and the nation's prayers were answered as it stayed dry. Hilly countryside and some great views and the usual Agreeable company made it a superb day.
Got home with around 72 miles on the clock and found my wife watching the back end of some wedding.
Anyone know what that was all about????
